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Oh how I love TED Talks videos. They are short & sweet for us busy people, and almost always leave a feeling of inspiration to be better in some way. Most recently, I was inspired by a TEDx Talks video online called “The Person You Really Need to Marry” by Tracy McMillan (below). The video talks about why it is important to “Marry Yourself”, and the importance of self-love and self-acceptance. We all know the areas of self-love and self-acceptance can be a struggle, which is why I found this video so inspirational. Tracy McMillan makes some very thought-provoking points, and I encourage you to take the 15 minutes to give it a watch. If you’re not convinced yet, I have also included the 5 reasons I was inspired by this particular topic which you can find below.
ONE – Don’t Worry About the Expectations
Tracy hits the nail on the head right away with her introduction and her example of the classic nursery rhyme: “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage”, after which she brings up a shot of her own life in terms of marriage, children, divorce, etc. I think this is a perfect example of certain life expectations not always working out, or fitting each and every person. I have mentioned it in past posts, that life does not always go as planned, and your 5 year plan sometimes changes as you grow and figure out more about yourself as a person. Love + Marriage + Baby may work perfect for one person, and be something that is of no interest to another person. Or maybe you rush into marriage because you think that is the right move, but things don’t work out because in reality you weren’t ready for marriage, and that is okay! Which brings me to my next point…
TWO – You Are Already Whole
You are already whole. As Tracy states in her speech “There is no man, women, job, [or] circumstance that is going to happen to you, that is going to make you more whole, because you already are”. What this means to me is that you need to love yourself, exactly where you are in your life and exactly the way you are right now! This is something I have always struggled with, it is so easy to have the mentality of “I will be happy once I get that promotion” or “I will love myself when I lose 10 more pounds”, but if we can’t love ourselves with all of our flaws included, how can we ever expect someone else to?
THREE – Mistakes are Okay
Mistakes are okay. One of my favorite moments of this Ted Talk was when Tracy says “A mistake isn’t actually a failure unless you don’t learn from it, and you don’t grow”. I have always believed you need to make mistakes to learn who you are, and to grow as a person. How boring would life be if you got everything right on the first try? Mistakes are important, as long as you learn from them, and you allow them to better you as a person.
FOUR – Life Gives You What You Need Most
Another favorite from this video is when Tracy talks about life-giving you not what you ask for, but instead, giving you the people, places, and situations to help you develop what you asked for. The example she gives is asking for patience, and instead you get a line at the bank. I think this is SO true, and like Tracy mentions, if you don’t get it right the first time, life will sure as hell give it to you again! This ties in with the whole mistakes & and life lessons; the universe, or god, or whatever you believe in, will be sure to give you the obstacles and situations you need in your life, to ensure you are becoming the best version of yourself, but it is up to you to decide how you react in those situations and if you take the opportunity for growth.
FIVE – Love Yourself the Way You Want to be Loved
Lastly, you should love yourself the way you would want someone else to love you. Something that really resonated with me is when Tracy is talking about her most recent first date, near the end of her speech and she states “About 30 minutes into the date, I found myself paying attention not to whether he liked me, but how I felt in his presence”. This was a strong statement for me. Isn’t it so true, that we often get SO caught up with caring if other people like us, we forget to assess if we even truly like them, or how we feel about ourselves when were around them? We should always be more concerned with how we feel about ourselves in someone’s presence rather than worrying how they feel about us, and as Tracy mention’s, this is not out of selfishness, but because the only relationship we are ever going to have with another person, is the one we are already having with ourselves. (Deep, I know man).
So if you took the time to watch the video and read my thoughts, I hope you were as inspired as I was. My biggest take away was that the relationship we have with ourselves, is the most important one.
I hope regardless of your situation; single, in a relationship, or married, you take the time to love yourself exactly as you are. I know it is easier said than done, and it is something I am working on continuously. Some days I feel great about myself, and some days I am extremely hard on myself, but the important thing is I am always taking all life has to offer, learning from it, growing with it, and being grateful for everything it has to teach me.
You are the most important person in your life, so love yourself and be your own damn cheerleader!
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